I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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