Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
