She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
