im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
