Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
