I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
