So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
