Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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