I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
