She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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