I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want her autograph on my taint
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
