Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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