I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
