haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
