I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
