someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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