i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This baby is an asshole
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
