I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My ass is underappreciated
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
