Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
