party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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