.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
