im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
