After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
