U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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