Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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