hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
