I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
