And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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