You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
