I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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