You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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