Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
