getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
