we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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