Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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