why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
