So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
