Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
