Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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