I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
