Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
