like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
