I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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