She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
