he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
