She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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