I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
