come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
