I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
