Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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