dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
operation have a gay friend backfired
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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