i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
