I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
