I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
