why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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