Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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