The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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