So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm always down for nudity.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
