apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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